Is He Gay?

Gaydar (not to be confused with lesbiandar) is a lot more complicated than people make it out to be. There are no surefire signs that make someone gay, but I realized today that I’ve subconsciously come up with a point system. With enough points, you can safely assume someone is gay. It’s officially patented so feel free to use this, but only if you give me credit and royalties.

Sign here: __________________________

Leigh’s Official Gaydar Point System

Scale

1-3 points:  Eh.  Just a fluke.
4-6 points:  Watch his eyes.  You may need those extra points.
7-9 points:  Fairy wings may be sprouting
10 points or more: The parade is in town!

Tight jeans: 2 points
Tight jeans in Texas: 6 points
Styled hair at 6a: 4 points
Limp wrists: 5 points
Extended eye contact with men: 8 points
At a gay bar: 1 point
At a gay bar alone: 10 points
Most friends are girls: 4 points
Wide eyes: 1 point
Gay voice (you know exactly what I mean): 5 points
Loves showtunes: 2 points
When you say, “Clang, clang, clang,” does he sing “Went the trolley!!”: 9 points
His Facebook “Interested in” line is blank (and he’s single): 9 points
His Facebook movie list include Brokeback Mountain: 5 points
Has a “unique” walk: 3 points
Noticeably extra smiley when they see Leigh: 3 points
Male flight attendant: 5 points
Wears chapstick: 1 point
Wears chapstick incessantly: 5 points
Wears concealer: 7 points
Wears nailpolish:  9 points
Wears lipstick: 11 points
Knows the choreography to the opening of Chorus Line and is an actor:  3 points
Knows the choreography to the opening of Chorus Line and is not an actor:  Send him my number.

Now what??

Well, now that you know, can I just offer that you don’t out him?  He needs to come out on his own time.  But if you’re a girl in a relationship with him, RUN.  Run straight to the nearest musical with him and take him to that “open-minded” bar.  Keep him exposed to those things that are gay so he can start to get more comfortable with who he really is.  And keep your eyes open (NOT at those places) for your next man.  Because you’re about to be single.  You deserve better anyway.

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1 Response to Is He Gay?

  1. Connie January 7, 2011 at 2:02 am | Permalink | Reply

    Another hilarious post! Matt laughed along with me but when he’s not in the room, I’m going to count up his points. I’m not worried, but I think it will provide a good laugh. =)

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