Southpaw

My mom wrote this out when she saw this a LONG time ago, lost if for a long time, and then, she suddenly emailed me saying she had found it!!!!!!!  I LOVE THIS THING.  It’s called Southpaw and it’s by Judith Viorst.  For your viewing pleasure:

Dear Richard,

Don’t invite me to your birthday party because I’m not coming.  And give back the Disneyland sweatshirt I said you could wear.  If I’m not good enough to play on your team, I’m not good enough to be friends with.

Your former friend,
Janet

P.S.  I hope when you go to the dentist he finds 20 cavities.


Dear Janet,

Here is your stupid Disneyland sweatshirt, if that’s how you’re going to be. I want my comic books now–finished or not.  No girl has ever played on the Mapes Street baseball team, and as long as I’m captain, no girl ever will.

Your former friend,
Richard

P.S. I hope when you go for your checkup you need a tetanus shot.


Dear Richard,

I’m changing my goldfish’s name from Richard to Stanley.  Don’t count on my vote for class president next year.  Just because I’m a member of the ballet club doesn’t mean I’m not a terrific ballplayer.

Your former friend,
Janet

P.S. I see you lost your first game 28-0.


Dear Janet,

I’m not saving any more seats for you on the bus.  For all I care you can stand the whole way to school.  Why don’t you just forget about baseball and learn something nice like knitting?

Your former friend,
Richard

P.S.  Wait until Wednesday.


Dear Richard,

My father said I could call someone to go with us for a ride and hot-fudge sundaes.  In case you didn’t notice, I didn’t call you.

Your former friend,
Janet

P.S.  I see you lost your second game, 34-0.


Dear Janet,

Remember when I took the laces out of my blue-and-white sneakers and gave them to you?  I want them back.

Your former friend,
Richard

P.S. Wait until Friday.


Dear Richard,

Congratulations on your unbroken record.  Eight straight losses–wow!  I understand you’re the laughingstock of New Jersey.

Your former friend,
Janet

P.S.  Why don’t you and your team forget about baseball and learn something nice like knitting maybe?


Dear Janet,

Here’s the silver horseback riding trophy that you gave me. I don’t think I want to keep it anymore.

Your former friend,
Richard

P.S. I didn’t think you’d be the kind who’d kick a man when he’s down.


Dear Richard,

I wasn’t kicking exactly. I was kicking back.

Your former friend,
Janet

P.S. In case you were wondering, my batting average is .345.


Dear Janet,

Alfie is having his tonsils out tomorrow. We might be able to let you catch next week.

Richard


Dear Richard,

I pitch.

Janet


Dear Janet,

Joel is moving to Kansas and Danny sprained his wrist. How about a permanent place in the outfield?

Richard


Dear Richard,

I pitch.

Janet


Dear Janet,

Ronnie caught the chicken pox and Leo broke his toe and Elwood has these stupid violin lessons.  I’ll give you first base, and that’s my final offer.

Richard


Dear Richard,

Susan Reilly plays first base, Marilyn Jackson catches, Ethel Kahn plays center field, and I pitch.  It’s a package deal.

Janet

P.S.  Sorry about your 12-game losing streak.


Dear Janet,

Please!  Not Marilyn Jackson.

Richard


Dear Richard,

Nobody ever said that I was unreasonable.  How about Lizzie Martindale instead?

Janet


Dear Janet,

At least could you call your goldfish Richard again?

Your friend,
Richard
Newer post:
Older post:

No Response to Southpaw

Still quiet here.

Leave a Response