Start Spreading the News…

NEW YORK IS CRAZY! I’ve been here 9 days and I’ve learned sooo much about the city, the culture, and myself. For example (and all titles are names of songs…sort of):

  • Put On Your Happy Face: All New Yorkers need to learn how to smile. I’d rather see your messed up grill than an ugly glare from your nasty attitude self, so get some Crest Whitestrips and bear your fangs.
  • It’s a Small World: TWICE now in New York City, I have run into a friend of mine randomly without evern expecting it! First Stephanie Corder over Spring Break and now Justyna Zajac, my future roommate (HOPEFULLY).
  • Singing in the Rain: By rain, I mean sweat, because New York is like the surface of the sun. Do not underestimate how nice it is to run to your chilled-air-mobile at any point you are hot. Here in NYC, they have very public subways. “Oh but Leigh, you’re so far up north! It can’t be that bad.” Go to hell. It is. And it’s that hot, too.
  • It’s Raining Men: I told my mom yesterday that you can’t go anywhere here without seeing a gay man. Men that like men–hallelujah!
  • Rollin’ with the Homie-less: The new version of the beggar: You’re sitting on the subway and then you hear very distinctive loud voice from nowhere saying, “Excuse me. I do not mean to bother you (lie), but my name is Terrance (lie). I lost my job (lie) and I am hungry (lie). I would appreciate any food or money you could donate.” Okay, your heart is starting to pity him until the collection comes along. (Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching…..) “Anyone? Anyone? Donate to the homeless? Anyone?” He just trots up and down the subway car shaking his styrofoam cup in our faces requesting money. Sorry buddy. This makes me SO BADLY want to carry a set of business cards to the nearest homeless shelter and hand those out. “Here you are. Nun Walsch would love to give you a backrub.”
  • Thank You: for charging $10 for 10 thank you cards. Here’s a thank you card to show you my appreciation. (stab)
  • Hot in Herre: On top of it being hot, no one has air conditioning! You have to buy those window air units. I am fascinated though that no one cares if you sweat because everyone is sweating in the subways.
  • For the Love of Money: I have a job. I am the Assistant General Manager at Jamba Juice! I never would have thought I would be doing that, but I am actually very excited about it! It should be FUN! And I think I’ll be working the TIMES SQUARE location. Oh life. I love it. The one downside (that they TRICKED me about) is that they require 50 hours/week. I didn’t know that. But I hear over and over about people that work over their 40 hours as it is. Hopefully this will not hinder my career. Cuz if it does, I’m OUT.
  • Rent: Finding an apartment is tough. Especially when I don’t know (1) who my roommates are yet, (2) when my start date is, and (3) when I’ll be flying back to New York City to start looking!!
  • Wind Beneath my Wings: I have another money comment and this was the first song to come to mind. I have truly started to understand what it means to not have money. Once I make my payments to get my place here in New York City, I will literally be at ZERO. That’s right. I will have NOTHING and still need money. I am coming with no furniture and no bed, so just to start living, I’ll be at zero.
  • Scream: So get this. Average rent per person in Manhattan is probably $1000/person/month. On top of that, most places require you pay first and last month’s rent right away. Then, they also require application fees, credit check fees, etc. Also, they want three bills, a copy of your birth certificates, pay stubs, and proof of employment. Oh, and you must make 40-50x the monthly rent per year (so at 1000/month, you need to make 40-50,000/year…..WHO MAKES THAT?!?). Oh, and you can forget free realtors. Here, they have brokers, which is like 25% of monthly rent. So add all of that up and just to move into a $1000/month place, you must up front pay about $3000. I have less than that in my bank account right now. And I like to eat.
  • Hit Me Baby, One More Time: I was THIS close to cybering with a female stripper from Arizona on gsn.com. After I came out to her, she wanted to play the boy. I signed off.
  • Crazy in Love: ….nope.
  • Get Right: I was in a gay bar at the 9th Ave. Saloon with my friend’s neighbors Melody, and a couple: Chris and Jeremy, both of which have slamming bodies. After my friends left, it was just me and the neighbors at this bar. Now understand this “bar” is very long and narrow (like all bars in NYC….and me!). At one point, I was closest to the door out of the group, but with about 15 feet open space to my right. To my direct left, Jeremy is engaging in conversation without me of course (he’s a little self-absorbed and thinks he’s invinceable). Well, all of the sudden, this buff guy pushes Jeremy in the neck to get him out of the way. Jeremy straightens up and yells at this guy, “You know, you could have said, ‘Excuse me.’ There’s no need to push like you did.” It was clear to me that this was Jeremy’s friend, because who seriously yells like that to someone they don’t know? Well, meet Jeremy, because he just did. So this guy turns around and with a glare says that he did say excuse me. NOW STOP (just like Zach Morris did in Saved by the Bell). Remember where I told you I was? Jeremy is on my left and the door is on my right. Well, now that guy, Jeremy, and I make a triangle. I’m clearly the third wheel because I am silent (and really they’re too invovled in their argument to know I’m even there). Back to the action! They keep arguing and at one point, the guy calls Jeremy a homosexual. Jeremy repeats over and over, “You’re calling me a homosexual in a gay bar? You’re in a gay bar, man.” I’m like, aw shit. The guy says, “I’m gonna knock you out.” If you didn’t know yet, that was definitely my cue to exit. So the guy throws his first punch, and I revert to middle school and run away. They start fighting like two men would and Chris joins in. Glass is breaking, shuffling of chairs, and grunts and threats from both. Like the dramatic queen he is, Jeremy grabs a bar stool!!! COME ON. So of course, I run further toward the back of the bar. He doesn’t get anywhere with the bar stool as he doesn’t want to knock out his boyfriend too (who is right next to the buff guy), so they just push the guy out of the bar and Jeremy yells, “Hey, if y’all want him to leave, yell, “Get the hell out.” 3 of the 30 customers are like, “Get the hell….oh, is no one saying it with me? Oh, never mind.” And thus goes the scariest and gayest fight I’ve ever seen.
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5 Responses to Start Spreading the News…

  1. Rachel Ervin August 12, 2005 at 12:24 pm | Permalink | Reply

    I love so much how you tell you stories. Congradulations on your Jamba Job. I hope it gets cooler sooner and you find the apartment for the price of your dreams 🙂 I’ll scan you those b-day pics as soon as I can. Can’t wait to hear more from New York.

  2. lindsey fields August 15, 2005 at 10:50 am | Permalink | Reply

    i’m so happy that you’ve got a jobbie job! we just got back from hot as haities new york, so i know what you’re feeling with the heat and those even more hot subways sitting next to stinky sweaty people, just like yourself… hope your new place has a window unit! times square jamba juice is da bomb. when we went in there, it looked like everyone was havin fun. definitely go to serendipity 3…good stuff, but only get 1 frozen hot chocolate and share with a cute guy!

  3. Anonymous August 15, 2005 at 5:46 pm | Permalink | Reply

    Welcome to the north my southern friend! Don’t worry, you’ll be gripin’ about the snow in about a month. Jeremy and I will have to stop by and visit when we head east. – Katie Kuzmich Rawlings

  4. Jena August 19, 2005 at 9:20 am | Permalink | Reply

    Leigh, need to post more often–you totally crack me up. Jim and I were in New Hampshire last weekend so I’m feeling you on the unbearable heat. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. If I have one regret in life it’s not living in NYC when I was younger. So you will have to live it up for the both of us. No pressure! And congrats on the new job! Seems like a cool company. Jim is a Jamba Juice freak and I admit a deep love for the Cranberry Craze. Looking forward to your next update. 🙂

  5. Anonymous August 21, 2005 at 3:11 pm | Permalink | Reply

    I feel your pain about the heat. I’m at my parent’s (un-air-conditioned) house in Boston right now. Texans who know absolutely nothing about New England love to claim that “it never gets hot there” or “at least there you don’t have the humidity”. I’d like to see them try to sleep at night with just a ceiling fan to combat the 90-degree heat.

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